Grammer is Fun

In order to teach English in a foreign country, you have to earn a TEFL/TESOL certificate. I took care of that several months ago in Chicago. When I signed up, however, I thought I would be an overachiever and also get an online Specialist Certificate in Grammar Awareness. I finally finished it. It's a miracle I passed, considering I took the test every day around midnight to three in the morning for the past week.

But I gots my digital sheepskin, and that be all that matters.

So rejoice, World. I am ofishally grammarily certificationed to learn ya'alls the grammurs and the Englishurs. London, you're first.

Jason

(Yes, I know I misspelled grammar in the title. It was a joke.)

Happy Halloween

Here's my latest experiment with Maya. . .

My new mistress

Recently I've been going to bed really late, like 4:00 in the morning late. And it's all because there's someone new in my life. I can't keep this a secret any longer. The more I ignore it, the guiltier I feel. And the longer I hide it, the more damage it will do in the future.

Her name is Maya. When I first started spending time with her, I was only interested in her NURBS. But recently I've discovered that I can not only use her NURBS, but her meshes as well. That's right, I'm officially a polygonist. You have to believe me when I say I'm not proud of this.

I know I have absolutely no right asking for forgiveness, but I think admitting this and being open about it will only make me stronger.

Here is a picture of my recent soirée with Maya:



I didn't realize until after I put this together in Photoshop that this is what the cover to Queen II would look like if the surviving members of the band reunited to reshoot the album's cover.

Jason

What's in a Name?

This is the actual name of a bakery we visited today:



Hey, don't laugh. I found myself saying that after finishing their baked garlic bread filled with ham and sampling their banana sponge cake, sesame bread, and chocolate cakes.

OH!GOD!YA indeed.

Jason

The Japanese Have Done It Again

This is beyond hilarious.

Pankun and James are a chimp and a bulldog who go on human adventures. You don't have to understand Japanese to enjoy it.

Jason

Nelson Shin

I saw part of a CNN interview with Nelson Shin this morning before class. Anyone who grew up in the eighties watching those afternoon cartoons knows exactly who he is. I know him best as the guy from Transformers. He was a producer for the animated television show and directed the 1986 film. He co-founded Akom Production Co., Ltd. in 1985 in Seoul, Korea, which did animation work for American shows such as X-Men, The Tick, Batman: The Animated Series, and Tiny Toon Adventures.

The report was mainly about the work his studio does for The Simpsons. After watching The Simpsons Movie, I noticed Shin was credited as Animation Producer or Supervisor, I don't remember exactly. I actually smiled when I saw that. Even when I was eight years old, I recognized his name anytime I saw it. Sometimes I feel like this guy doesn't get the credit he deserves in the States.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking that he is partly responsible for the surge of cheap and low quality animation flooding the industry. I cut this guy some slack because he actually worked on some of the better shows. He is also an animator, so he not only knows the business aspects of the industry, but the technical aspects as well. Not many people can claim that. He worked for DePatie-Freleng in the 1970's as an animator as well as some of the early Star Wars movies. The man has talent.

Plus, he directed The Transformers: The Movie in 1986. I'm afraid in the future this will be considered his crowning achievement. He did so much more behind the scenes that just doesn't get recognized.

And that's today's lesson, kiddies. For homework, I want everyone to write a 450 word essay on Phil Roman's contribution to the animation industry.

Jason

Taxi, taxi. No, seriously, TAXI! GET OUT OF ITS WAY!

I would like to take this time to talk about taxis. The taxi drivers in Taipei are just as insane as the taxi drivers in Chicago. As a passenger, you not only fear for your own life inside the taxi, but the lives of those outside trying to cross the street, get in their cars, or walk on the sidewalks. Just like Chicago, they will slow down and blow their horn until you give them the get the hell out of my way gesture. Unlike Chicago, however, they only do this to foreigners. Of course in Chicago it's hard to tell who's a foreigner and who's not.

I especially love when they try to take advantage of me because I'm a foreigner. I took a taxi home one night and the total came to NT $280. I gave him a NT $1000 bill and he gave me NT $620 back. Now, in Chicago, you actually have to tell the driver how much you want back so they can keep some as a tip.

Well, there's no tipping in Taiwan.

So he gives me the $620 and I look at it, do the math in my head (it takes longer for us Westerners), and in my best Chinese say, "Huh?" Then I hold out the money for him to look at and he grunts and hands over the missing NT $100.

In Chicago you have to tell them to get off their cell phones so they won't miss a turn. You have to tell them to take certain streets because the one you eventually hope to get to is one way and you don't want to have to pay for an extra five minutes of circling blocks and driving up and down streets to try to get to that one way. And that crap they play on their radios. Don't even get me started.

I remember one time in Pittsburgh when I came back from a weekend excursion in Chicago (those little trips to Chicago to visit Wei were the best part of living in Pittsburgh) and had to take a taxi home. Anyone who's ever actually tried driving in Pittsburgh or even looked at a map of it knows that it is about as organized as a Jackson Pollock painting. I went up to a taxi driver, told him the neighborhood and address where I needed to go and he asked me how to get there. I gave him the neighborhood and address again and he shook his head and said, "I need an exact location and exact directions."

The taxi rides are a lot shorter in Taipei because these people know where they're going. Their parking skills need some improvement, however.

This wasn't very smart.

This actually doesn't bother me. I mean, if you're crippled and you need ramps to get everywhere, then why would you even leave home?

They also don't smell as bad. I don't know how many times in Chicago we had to pinch our noses because the driver didn't understand the benefits of showering.

Also, the taxi drivers in Taipei speak better English than the taxi drivers in Chicago. Much better.

Jason

I before E except af-- DAMMIT, WHO DEALT IT?!

Some kid farted in the middle of my English lesson today. I was trying really hard not to laugh at him. It was a lethal one, too. I had to walk to the other side of the room in order to breathe. Then I had to think of dead puppies so I wouldn't laugh.

I kept looking back because everyone at ground zero was unsuccessfully trying to stifle a laugh. I eventually figured out who did it because no matter what color your skin is originally, embarrassment always turns it red.

It's no secret that I'm not too crazy about this teaching thing. But until my Chinese gets better, there isn't much else I can do. I tried looking for proofreading gigs, but you have to know Chinese in order to proofread English (and next thing you know, you're translating and proofreading but only getting paid for the proofreading).

Now, I've always said that if I got a nickel for every English mistake I caught and corrected on signs, ads, menus, or government brochures in this country, I would be a billionaire. But no. They only want people who are absolutely fluent in Chinese, which means the only ones getting these jobs are native Chinese speakers who learned English in a cram school from someone like me and never appreciated the value of a comma. That's how you end up with this on the can of some mold and mildew stain remover spray:



Who'd've thunk it? Mildew eliminates odors. Mildew good, odor bad. Me confyoosed.

Jason

Episode IV: A New Beginning

On July 7, 2007, we boarded the aircraft and said "See you later!" to America.

You'd think 7-7-7 would be my lucky day.

Everything about the flight was fine, except for these punks from Teen Missions International (Oops, silly me. It appears I've conveniently provided you with a link to their website. It would be a shame if you sent them an angry letter.) Apparently someone told these apostles-in-training that it's okay to kick my seat every ten minutes, stick their butts in my face so they can gab with one of their kin, or sit that same butt down in my seat every time I got up to go to the restroom.

Once we land in Taiwan, one of them asks, "So are we in China?"

. . . . .

Wait. . . It gets better.

"Yeah," the only Asian member answers. "Taiwan's technically a part of China, but they think they're not."
She's right, you know. Taiwan doesn't think it's a part of China. I guess that's why they hold democratic elections for their leaders.

Again, that's Teen Missions International.

Only two days later I found a teaching job that started on July 20. Some might come to Taiwan and think that finding an English teaching job that quickly means that they're really good.

Here are the requirements for English teachers:
1. English must be your native language.
2. You must be able to breathe.

So far I've taught them what as rich as a Jew means and how to spell diarrhea.

Jason