Taxi, taxi. No, seriously, TAXI! GET OUT OF ITS WAY!

I would like to take this time to talk about taxis. The taxi drivers in Taipei are just as insane as the taxi drivers in Chicago. As a passenger, you not only fear for your own life inside the taxi, but the lives of those outside trying to cross the street, get in their cars, or walk on the sidewalks. Just like Chicago, they will slow down and blow their horn until you give them the get the hell out of my way gesture. Unlike Chicago, however, they only do this to foreigners. Of course in Chicago it's hard to tell who's a foreigner and who's not.

I especially love when they try to take advantage of me because I'm a foreigner. I took a taxi home one night and the total came to NT $280. I gave him a NT $1000 bill and he gave me NT $620 back. Now, in Chicago, you actually have to tell the driver how much you want back so they can keep some as a tip.

Well, there's no tipping in Taiwan.

So he gives me the $620 and I look at it, do the math in my head (it takes longer for us Westerners), and in my best Chinese say, "Huh?" Then I hold out the money for him to look at and he grunts and hands over the missing NT $100.

In Chicago you have to tell them to get off their cell phones so they won't miss a turn. You have to tell them to take certain streets because the one you eventually hope to get to is one way and you don't want to have to pay for an extra five minutes of circling blocks and driving up and down streets to try to get to that one way. And that crap they play on their radios. Don't even get me started.

I remember one time in Pittsburgh when I came back from a weekend excursion in Chicago (those little trips to Chicago to visit Wei were the best part of living in Pittsburgh) and had to take a taxi home. Anyone who's ever actually tried driving in Pittsburgh or even looked at a map of it knows that it is about as organized as a Jackson Pollock painting. I went up to a taxi driver, told him the neighborhood and address where I needed to go and he asked me how to get there. I gave him the neighborhood and address again and he shook his head and said, "I need an exact location and exact directions."

The taxi rides are a lot shorter in Taipei because these people know where they're going. Their parking skills need some improvement, however.

This wasn't very smart.

This actually doesn't bother me. I mean, if you're crippled and you need ramps to get everywhere, then why would you even leave home?

They also don't smell as bad. I don't know how many times in Chicago we had to pinch our noses because the driver didn't understand the benefits of showering.

Also, the taxi drivers in Taipei speak better English than the taxi drivers in Chicago. Much better.

Jason