Merry Christmas!

What better way to spend Christmas than with a movie?

Best movies of the year.

Ratatouille
I can't remember seeing this much acting in an animated film before. The whole "marionette" thing going on between Remy and Linguini is a perfect example. I remember watching a making-of documentary about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. No one ever talked about the rotoscoped Snow White or Prince. The only characters the animators really cared about were the elfs. They wanted each elf to have his own personality. This meant making each elf act. It also reminds me of Pinocchio when he is released from the strings as well as that drunk mouse from Dumbo. Those are perfect examples of acting in animation. The moments in Ratataouille where Linguini and Remy become puppet and puppeteer are fantastic examples of acting. This movie had long moments of acting without any dialogue. Now that's animation!

Transformers
It was a tough decision between this and Ratatouille for the #1 spot. It has no plot, no character development, and no point. But let's not focus on what it doesn't have and talk about what it does have: giant #$*%ing robots beating the @^%# out of each other. How could it not be good? Maybe it would be better if it had ninjas. But not giant robot ninjas because that would just make my head explode. Yes, it has ground-breaking visual effects, but what I actually liked was the human touch. No, not the "love story," but the way most shots of the Transformers are from people's points of view: over their shoulder, through their windshield, or through the window on the 42nd floor. This little touch made the robots even more menacing.

The Simpsons Movie
I had high hopes for this going in and I wasn't disappointed. What makes the first several seasons of The Simpsons so special is that they are not only funny, but sweet as well. Anytime characters goofed up, you felt sorry for them. They realized their mistake and tried to fix it. The early episodes had empathy. These days the show is just apathetic and numb. Each episode is a random series of events with each character throwing out one-liners. This movie goes back to the early days. Homer goofed up and tries to fix it. HIs family supports him (up to a point) and by the end the family grows closer. Also, the movie didn't ignore the fact that the television show isn't about the Simpson family. It's about the city of Springfield. My only complaint is that there wasn't enough Comic Book Guy in the movie.

300
Perfect in every little detail, even down to the Frank Miller-esque blood spatters. This film is gracefully beautiful in is grotesqueness, if that makes sense. The fight scenes are quite elegant and perfectly choreographed. And it uses slow motion at just the right times. The film as a whole looks wonderful. CGI blood is the future of cinema.

Zodiac
I loved the movie when I saw it, but I didn't realize just how much of it used bluescreens, layers, and other post-production CGI tricks. Even the victims' blood was CGI. I guess my prediction from 300 was on the nose.

The Bourne Ultimatum
I didn't get confused until after seeing the movie when I found out that this one doesn't pick up where the second one left off until halfway in. Now I have to watch all three of them again.

Spider-man 3
What they should have done is taken out Sandman completely. We didn't need to revisit Ben's murder. But keep Gwen Stacey and the love triangle. They also should have taken out Eddie Brock. Just let Peter put on the black costume, enjoy it a little too much, and this way Peter's dark side becomes the villain. Then when he separates himself from it, Venom is born. Venom is still just the black suit with a new life of its own thanks to Peter. But no, they had to have Eddie Brock because there would be an outcry from fans if the movie strayed from the comic. I hate when fanboys think they know the best way to make a movie.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
At least it made me not regret watching the previous movie, which had absolutely no plot or point. It did, however, look very pretty.

Shoot 'em Up
Fun. Pure, senseless, pointless fun. I think there's a story in there somewhere and a message about guns and how accessible they are...dangers...blah, blah, blah, whatever. This movie rocks. It's full of action, bullets, blood, and explosions. It has one of the greatest soundtracks ever, and the robot baby was freakin' hilarious. So grab a carrot and enjoy.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
Similar to Rocky and Bullwinkle, if you don't like it then you just don't get it.

Blades of Glory
Pretty funny, but it's no Anchorman or Talladega Nights.

Pan's Labrynth
Spooky, creepy, and sad. I thought it was a great film to look at. There were a few holes in the plot, but that usually never keeps me from enjoying a movie.

Rush Hour 3
Don't even ask why I saw this one. All I'll say is that it needed less "comedy" and more "Jackie-Chan-edy." Except the scene with the nun. That was pretty damn funny.

Michael Clayton
Okay, I didn't see this one, but I did hear it was pretty good.

Fine. So they aren't the greatest movies of the year, but they are the ones I saw.

Jason

When spell check doesn't work

I saw an ad for a "prove reader" job. I think the fact that I replied to the job post is enough proof that I can read. The ad could also be a test, but I doubt it.

Jason

Spooky

Another pic of 101. Compare this with the picture from November 13. No camera tricks or Photoshop magic. Just a spooky day.

Jason

Thai-Huh?

Every time I tell someone I'm in Taiwan, they always hear Thailand. I just tried updating my contact info at my bank (again) and when the rep repeated the address, she kept saying Thailand.

I understand Thailand is more popular and probably gets a lot more tourism. However, the next time I mention Taiwan, please don't tell me how much you love Thai food and that you saw a documentary about it on TV and was fascinated by how the people get everywhere by riding elephants.

Jason

Generation Gap

On my way from one job to the next, I think I saw one of my high school students at the MRT station. He looked familiar, and I immediately thought that he was in one of the cram schools I work at. He saw me, too, but didn't say anything. He just... stared. I smiled in case he did turn out to be a student.

That's pretty much how it is with the high school students. I ask a question, they stare at me. I say hello, they giggle and run away. The elementary students are, thankfully, a different story.

I ask a question, each one tries to raise their hand higher and scream louder than the others for my attention. (Almost) every one of them wants to be heard. When I see them outside of class, they say "hello" or ask me a question. I talk to them and ask them questions, too, and even though I don't always get the right answer, I still give them credit for having more guts than the high school kids.

This evening one of the elementary students was walking on the sidewalk in front of me. He turned around, saw me, and walked over to talk to me. He asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"I'm going home, how about you? Where are you going?" I replied.

"I'm going... to my... little sister's... school," he said, followed by a punch in the air that said success!

"Oh. Where is your little sister's school?" I asked.

"It's.. umm," was all he could get out before scratching his head and just pointing forward.

"That way?" I pointed in the same direction.

"Yeah, that way."

"How will you get there? Will you take the bus or train?" I asked.

"Umm... My little sister's school." he said. "Umm... My mother, father, little sister, and me are in my family."

Okay, so that wasn't exactly what I was asking, but it's still a hell of a lot better than just staring at me. He gets extra credit for that.

I thought that this was just a case of curious little kids always asking questions or wanting to be the center of attention. I thought all of these elementary students would just grow up to be like the shy high school kids. From what I understand, this isn't true. This really is the difference between two generations of English learners. They encourage these kids to talk to the foreign teachers as much as they can, which is great. Well, it would be great, but...

Last week a student came up to me while I was going through some papers and asked, "What time is it?"

There was a clock on the wall behind me and he was looking at it as he asked, but I knew he just wanted to say something. So I looked at my cell phone and told him, "It's 6:30." I wanted to keep the conversation going, "Do you have class later?"

"Umm... no class," he said.

"Did you have class today?"

"Yes I have class at..." He was looking at the clock, trying to get the time out when suddenly the Queen of Subtlety screamed, silencing the entire room. The student talking to me spun around in his seat. The Queen of Subtlety screamed again and the student ran back to his seat. He buried his nose in his textbook as the Queen of Subtlety screamed a third time.

I looked at her with a WTF expression on my face. "Was he bothering you?" she asked.

"No, we were talking in English," I said.

"Oh."

Crimany! Let them learn! Stop screaming!

And close your damn mouth when you eat!

Jason

Taipei Technology Information Month

Thursday and Friday we went to this technology and information convention in Taipei. We walked around to see what it's like and to see if we could walk away with any good deals. One deal was a little too good.

We went into a booth for a place that is an Authorized Reseller of Apple products to check out the MacBook Pro. We were asking questions about one and seeing how much we could lower the price. You can't buy anything in Taiwan without negotiating the price or insisting on getting free stuff. Since they wouldn't lower the price, the "Apple" guy said he would give us Microsoft Office. Already installed. Okay, I thought this was a little odd. Then we asked if they sold Adobe CS3 Master Collection. He said that he would install that as well. However, we can only use it for our personal use, not professionally.

Please see Wednesday's post to see what I thought about this.

Look, pictures!

Big, busy, and loud.


Consider yourself lucky I didn't include sound files with these pics. My ears were bleeding by the time we left.


Probably the most interesting part of the show were the shiny, plastic leather-clad girls dancing to techno music on stage and posing for pics off stage.


I guess this one is so famous that people actually asked for her autograph.


An Epson girl.


Another Epson girl. Actually, I don't think she realized that I wasn't interested in her. I was actually trying to take a picture of that guy in the foreground. Damn, he is HOT.


The ViewSonic parrots.


Yes, there's a poor shmuck inside that thing.


This one falls into the "I could have told you that" category.


I would have taken more pictures of the shiny, plastic leather-clad girls, but Wei revoked my camera privileges.

We did get a pretty sweet deal on a camera. It's so cool, it stands on its side. Landscape is dead.


And in case you're wondering, yes, I did use our new Canon IXUS 860 IS to take a picture of our new Canon IXUS 860 IS. It's that good.

Jason

I Sowemnwy Swear. . .

This article made my week.

It immediately reminded me of a news report I saw about a theme park in Beijing that shamelessly uses popular American and Japanese cartoon characters in its "theme park." I know most people will say that there are more important things in the world than who's using Mickey Mouse to make a buck, but its time these counterfeiters learned a lesson.

My favorite part is the mother who wonders why Disney is the only one who should be allowed to use Mickey Mouse in its theme park. It's not that these are just shady, unscrupulous people, but they really have no appreciation for what intellectual property is. The counterfeiters should be taught a lesson and future generations should be better educated.

Jason

Eye Candy

One of the unique things I love about Taiwan is how you almost feel like you are looking at two places at once. When in a certain area or district, you will see buildings, homes, construction sites, et cetera, in the foreground, but beyond that in the background are mountains that look farther away than they probably are. Here are some photos I took in the Shilin district in northern Taipei.

This first one was taken from the platform of the Jiantan MRT train station.





Same spot, but the photo above is looking one direction and the photo below is looking the opposite direction.


Jason

Gettin' Whacked

Several months ago when I gave my first demo at this cram school, I was shocked to see a guy walking up and down the aisle with a giant stick. He would use it to tap students on the shoulder if they weren't paying attention or doing homework from another class. After teaching there for a while, I got used to it. I even got used to whenever a student got whacked on the hand. I guess depending on the seriousness of what they did, they get whacked on either the palm, the back of the hand, or the wrist. I don't know which hurts worse, and I don't want to know.

Like I said, I was surprised to see this at first, but I eventually got used to it. You learn not to let the occasional whack interrupt your class. When I told Wei or some other Taiwanese about it, they looked a little surprised. I guess most cram schools are phasing this out. I never really liked the fact that this was happening and felt that it just distracts the students more when Mr. Ramrod is walking up and down the rows carrying his Stick of Discipline while I'm trying to teach.

I never liked it until today.

Yes, it's a bunch of Junior High kids who don't care and think that their dramas come before their education. Everyone went through that. But when I tell everyone to repeat after me, then repeat, dammit! When I write aisle on the board and ask you how to pronounce this word because you keep screwing it up, then don't be a smart-ass and say, "apple."

When that happened I just stared at him. The teaching assistant ran over and told him to stand up. He became one of many in the classroom standing there waiting for the Bludgeon of Retribution. And finally it came.

Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!

Suddenly they were more than happy to repeat.

Jason

I. . . SAW. . . BEOWULF!!!

And I really enjoyed it. I'm not going to get into a rant about whether or not technology has ruined animation, if mocap is really animation, where is Walt when you need him, blah, blah, blah. I'm getting sick of reading all of these 2D versus 3D debates on the message boards. What about the topics that matter? Like the fact that Dreamworks still wants to make two more Shrek movies? Or how they were trying to make a G.I.Joe movie without Cobra? Or how organic web shooters turned out to be a good idea? Seriously, people. Get a life!

Story. First of all, if you think this is the Cliffs Notes version of the epic poem, then of course you won't like it. If you want to know the real story, then read the book. This is definitely epic, but more like Transformers epic. The story never really dragged, and I never thought to check the time.

Characters. For once the hero isn't the lamest character in the movie. Beowulf is such an arrogant, pompous ass, that not even Angelina Jolie and her terrible accent can overshadow this hero. Sure, he exaggerates how many monsters he's fought and how big they were, but that doesn't mean that the man is any less brave.

Wealthow was not as useless as I was afraid she would be, although I didn't think putting her in danger near the end of the film was necessary. She didn't need to be a damsel in distress.

The character I probably liked the most was Wiglaf. This was the kind of character that you know has a long history with Beowulf. He is aware of Beowulf's flaws, but still remains loyal.

Grendel was awesome, although I didn't feel any sympathy for him when he died. I almost feel that the scene with his mother before he died wasn't meant to garner sympathy, but to show us just how ridiculously over-the-top this movie was going to get.

Animation. The one thing that I wish they wouldn't have done was make some of the characters look like their actors. It was distracting in the beginning of the film when they introduced Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) and Unferth (John Malkovich) because I knew who these actors were. I eventually got used to it and found myself wrapped up in the story. Then they introduce Angelina Jo--I mean Grendel's mother. That was distracting. If you can't tell, I'm not a fan.

Most of the time the animation was the kind of fluid you would expect from mocap. However, there were times when the animation was a little choppy, and you could tell it's because these were scenes that were animated from scratch or tweaked.

Another distracting thing were the lip movements. They were a little too subtle and almost looked like bad lip synching. Also, none of the characters could look straight ahead or at each other. They were able to get some nice expressions through eyebrows, foreheads, and mouths. Most of the time they just looked blind.

It isn't perfect, but it is still a hell of a lot better than Polar Express. The biggest problem I had with that movie was the lack of expressions and the number of characters Tom Hanks played. Just knowing that a different actor was used as a voice and model for each character makes Beowulf a lot richer.

Overall, I enjoyed it. Although I would probably only recommend it to people who are really curious about where this technology is going. It isn't the future of film, but it is definitely going somewhere.

Jason

Meet the Prez

On our way to lunch today, Wei and I were walking past the Mackay Hospital. We noticed a lot of fancy black cars and police officers. We were wondering what the big deal was as we were being rerouted around the cars and cops. As we walked past, we looked into the hospital and saw what the big deal was. Taiwan's president Chen Shui-bien was walking out with his entourage of about twenty men dressed in suits.

I don't know what he was doing there. Maybe he was getting a checkup after this nasty little episode.

It was exciting. This is my second time seeing a president in person. The first time was George Bush the First when he visited Enid, OK--er, I mean, Chicago. Because I grew up in Chicago. Yeah.

Jason

Gobble Gobble!

Jason

Hello

Usually when one of my students sees me on the sidewalk or in the halls, he or she will acknowledge me. The junior high and high school students say, "Hello, Jason," while the elementary students say, "Hi, teacher."

Today a student came up to me and said, "Hello Moto."

Well, I thought it was funny. I guess you had to be there.

Jason

Queen of Subtlety

Before leaving for the day on Sunday, I talked to one of the grade school elementary teachers, basically telling her that I don't think a lot of the students are learning anything. Most of them just listen to the CD that comes with their book and memorize that. They don't bother reading what they see. So when I point to I'm going to school, they go through what they have memorized and hope what they say is correct: This is my sister. I have a pen. Where is the monkey?

After telling the teacher my concern and some possible solutions, she nodded her head like she understood what I was talking about. Then she pointed to one of the students and started talking about him. Everything she said about him was right. He isn't a good student. Instead of speaking he just grunts, hoping that is close enough. As bad a student as he is, I started to feel sorry for him as I was talking to the teacher. She kept pointing to him and looking at him as she spoke. And he saw it all!

A problem I have with a lot of the young female populace in Taiwan is that they do a really good job at covering up just how subtle they are trying to be. Let me explain.

Whenever the teachers (or just about any of the ladies on the train) are talking about me, they get really close to each other, cover up their mouths, and whisper to each other. Now that would be fine. In fact covering up their mouths isn't even necessary because I can't read lips in Chinese. But no, that isn't enough for them. As they whisper and cover their mouths with one hand, they stare at me and point to me with their other hand. Then they're shocked when I ask them if they need to talk to me.

THAT'S REALLY SUBTLE!!!

Poor Wang Li Chen (aka Bill). Imagine watching as one of your teachers points, stares, and talks about you with a less than friendly look on her face. I don't see it doing anything for his self-esteem. The little guy (well, not that little, the bastard could stand to lose a few pounds) probably feels like he is being picked on.

If you feel sorry for Bill, then send him a letter and let him know that he isn't being picked on. His address is 67 Angping Rd, 5F, Taipei 10051 Taiwan. Or call him at 02-3375-9837 and tell him that he has no reason to be paranoid.

Jason

Time for English!

Q: What do you do when you have a white English-speaking American teaching at your cram school?
A: Flaunt him!

And that's exactly what they wanted to do with me on Halloween. They wanted me to dress up in a ridiculous Halloween costume (Hey, its what Westerners do!) and go around to all of the other classes in the cram school (math, Chinese, etc.) to basically say, "Hey, look! You can learn English from an actual American!" Then the students would go home to their parents and tell them that they can learn English from a real foreigner. Then the parents would fork over good money so their kid can learn from a real American. "He grew up in Chicago, so he must be good!" What the parents don't know is that I spend about 35 minutes per week with these students.

I agreed to visiting another class. I understand this is just good business. However, I vehemently refused to wear a costume. Fortunately for me, I got my ARC through Wei, not the school, so they can't force me to do something and threaten to fire me if I don't do it. Fortunately for them, I got my ARC through Wei, which means they don't have to pay for it. It's win-win!

And then they took a bunch of pictures of me teaching and posted them all over the exterior of the building. And the sad thing is, I think it actually worked. Recently they've been telling me to ask specific students questions or to give them a little more attention because they are new. After all, we want these new parents to think they are getting their money's worth.

Here are some of the pictures they pasted to the window.


And this one (sorry it's a little blurry) is my favorite. When the English teacher first showed it to me, she said she wanted me to say something in the speech balloon. She suggested Time to school! I was happy to suggest something else.


Jason

Say What?

Does anyone else have a problem with the International Phonetic Alphabet for English? Has anyone ever actually used it? Does anyone even care?

If I haven't lost you yet, and you're still reading, then perhaps you know what I'm talking about. I realize it is international and that linguists want something we can all use as the main guide for pronunciation no matter the language. But I wonder if it is really useful as a learning tool.

I can understand using a symbol to represent th, ch, sh, et cetera. However, in English, do we really need the IPA symbol j representing y? Buy is pronounced /bai/, guy is pronounced /gai/, but main is pronounced /mein/. Shouldn't main be pronounced mahyn? And mein, well, let's not go there. This just seems to confuse students.

Hell, now I'm confused.

Let's not talk about this anymore and look at a picture.



Ooooooo.......tall.

Jason

Percy Cat

A student came up to me the other day and asked, "What's a Percy?"

Thanks to my unhealthy (and possibly cursed) association with the Thomas and Friends children's stories, I immediately thought of the little green bastard that delivers mail on Sodor. I replied, "Do you mean Percy the train? Thomas' friend?" FYI: Thomas is HUGE in this part of the world. Don't ask me why.

He shook his head and said, "No. Percy. Pee-cee. What is Pee-cee?"

I pointed the the PC in the corner of the room and asked, "Do you mean the PC computer?"

"No, no." Then he began pointing to different areas of himself and asked, "No, Per-cee." He kept pointing to himself, asking, "Where? Where is per-cee?"

Then it hit me. I asked him where he heard this word and he said that a student at his school was going around saying, "You per-cee. You per-cee." I told him that he shouldn't say that word and that he will get in a lot of trouble if he says it again. But he insisted on learning what it meant. "Where is it?" Pointing to his leg, arm, shoulder, etc., he asked, "Here? Here? Here?"

I just shook my head and said, "You're not gonna find it."

I'm beginning to wonder what these students are being taught when I'm not there. A few months ago I found this image in one of their textbooks...



I don't really think this is appropriate to put in a child's textbook. If any student asks me what S and M stands for, I'll say, "Spider-Man."

Or maybe I'm just old-fashioned.

Jason

Pig Ears...

...don't knock 'em till you've tried 'em.

Jason

And the Nominees for Best Whatever Are...

The Best Animated Film category has been around for seven years. That's about 70 years too late, as far as I'm concerned.

What makes a good animated film? Well, according to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Science (what a BS name), a good, award-worthy animated film is not one that has "a frame-by-frame technique," but one where "movement and characters' performances are created using a frame-by-frame technique." I'm glad they finally cleared that up. Apparently, to them, this would eliminate films that employ motion capture from the Best Animated Film category. Where was this rule last year when that piece of crap Happy Feet won?

And now they have to figure out what to do with Beowulf. I'm actually interested in seeing this. It looks far better than Polar Express and Final Fantasy. All of the humans, and probably even Grendel and some of the horses, use motion capture to move them around. But I doubt they use motion capture for all of those explosions, sea monsters, dragons, and Angelina Jolie's tail. What if Beowulf turns out to be a great film? How will it be recognized? What about Renaissance, a movie that deserves something for its style if not for its story?

I guess you could argue that all of those explosions, sea monsters, dragons, and Angelina Jolie's tail aren't considered animation. They would fit into the Best Visual Effects category. But they're animated! Models were built and moved around! Transformers is full of visual effects that include character animation. Same with Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Spider-Man. Most of the characters are live actors, but the truth is, all of those nice visual effects were animated. My question now is, where do we draw the line between animation and visual effects? What separates the two? Amount of screen time given to animated characters? How much of the story relies on animated characters?

If they eliminate mo-cap from the Best Animated Film category, then they might as well eliminate rotoscoped films from that category as well. That means that Waking Life, A Scanner Darkly, and most of Ralph Bakshi's films would not be eligible for the award. Not that they deserve anything (well, Bakshi deserves a few), but are they really supposed to be ignored when movies like Happy Feet and Jimmy Neutron are getting attention?

And now they (Reuters) say that Ratatouille will be submitted into the Best Picture category, not the Best Animated Film category. I don't blame Disney for doing this. Cars was wonderful, but it still lost to dancing penguins. Brad Bird is fantastic. Just listen to any of his DVD commentaries and you can tell this is someone who takes his job very seriously. His film deserves more than just a filler-category award. Does the fact that these rats are animated and not real mean that the story is any worse than a live-action film's story?

So what is the Academy supposed to do with animated and non-animated "frame by frame" films? How about include them in the regular categories like Best Picture? And if they don't want to do that, then forget about it. They waited too long to give animated films the recognition they deserve, and now these old farts are behind the times and way in over their heads trying to figure out what "animation" is. Forget about the Best Animated Film category, don't include them in the Best Picture category, and sneak one into the Best Screenplay or Best Music category every now and then. Films like Ratatouille, The Simpsons Movie, Transformers, Star Wars, and even Happy Feet make a fortune long before anyone thinks about the Oscar race. These films will continue to make millions and billions world-wide with or without eventually winning a pretty statue. It's the new techniques, new approaches, innovations, and original stories that keep animation alive, not the red carpet.

Jason

Grammer is Fun

In order to teach English in a foreign country, you have to earn a TEFL/TESOL certificate. I took care of that several months ago in Chicago. When I signed up, however, I thought I would be an overachiever and also get an online Specialist Certificate in Grammar Awareness. I finally finished it. It's a miracle I passed, considering I took the test every day around midnight to three in the morning for the past week.

But I gots my digital sheepskin, and that be all that matters.

So rejoice, World. I am ofishally grammarily certificationed to learn ya'alls the grammurs and the Englishurs. London, you're first.

Jason

(Yes, I know I misspelled grammar in the title. It was a joke.)

Happy Halloween

Here's my latest experiment with Maya. . .

My new mistress

Recently I've been going to bed really late, like 4:00 in the morning late. And it's all because there's someone new in my life. I can't keep this a secret any longer. The more I ignore it, the guiltier I feel. And the longer I hide it, the more damage it will do in the future.

Her name is Maya. When I first started spending time with her, I was only interested in her NURBS. But recently I've discovered that I can not only use her NURBS, but her meshes as well. That's right, I'm officially a polygonist. You have to believe me when I say I'm not proud of this.

I know I have absolutely no right asking for forgiveness, but I think admitting this and being open about it will only make me stronger.

Here is a picture of my recent soirée with Maya:



I didn't realize until after I put this together in Photoshop that this is what the cover to Queen II would look like if the surviving members of the band reunited to reshoot the album's cover.

Jason

What's in a Name?

This is the actual name of a bakery we visited today:



Hey, don't laugh. I found myself saying that after finishing their baked garlic bread filled with ham and sampling their banana sponge cake, sesame bread, and chocolate cakes.

OH!GOD!YA indeed.

Jason

The Japanese Have Done It Again

This is beyond hilarious.

Pankun and James are a chimp and a bulldog who go on human adventures. You don't have to understand Japanese to enjoy it.

Jason

Nelson Shin

I saw part of a CNN interview with Nelson Shin this morning before class. Anyone who grew up in the eighties watching those afternoon cartoons knows exactly who he is. I know him best as the guy from Transformers. He was a producer for the animated television show and directed the 1986 film. He co-founded Akom Production Co., Ltd. in 1985 in Seoul, Korea, which did animation work for American shows such as X-Men, The Tick, Batman: The Animated Series, and Tiny Toon Adventures.

The report was mainly about the work his studio does for The Simpsons. After watching The Simpsons Movie, I noticed Shin was credited as Animation Producer or Supervisor, I don't remember exactly. I actually smiled when I saw that. Even when I was eight years old, I recognized his name anytime I saw it. Sometimes I feel like this guy doesn't get the credit he deserves in the States.

I know a lot of you are probably thinking that he is partly responsible for the surge of cheap and low quality animation flooding the industry. I cut this guy some slack because he actually worked on some of the better shows. He is also an animator, so he not only knows the business aspects of the industry, but the technical aspects as well. Not many people can claim that. He worked for DePatie-Freleng in the 1970's as an animator as well as some of the early Star Wars movies. The man has talent.

Plus, he directed The Transformers: The Movie in 1986. I'm afraid in the future this will be considered his crowning achievement. He did so much more behind the scenes that just doesn't get recognized.

And that's today's lesson, kiddies. For homework, I want everyone to write a 450 word essay on Phil Roman's contribution to the animation industry.

Jason

Taxi, taxi. No, seriously, TAXI! GET OUT OF ITS WAY!

I would like to take this time to talk about taxis. The taxi drivers in Taipei are just as insane as the taxi drivers in Chicago. As a passenger, you not only fear for your own life inside the taxi, but the lives of those outside trying to cross the street, get in their cars, or walk on the sidewalks. Just like Chicago, they will slow down and blow their horn until you give them the get the hell out of my way gesture. Unlike Chicago, however, they only do this to foreigners. Of course in Chicago it's hard to tell who's a foreigner and who's not.

I especially love when they try to take advantage of me because I'm a foreigner. I took a taxi home one night and the total came to NT $280. I gave him a NT $1000 bill and he gave me NT $620 back. Now, in Chicago, you actually have to tell the driver how much you want back so they can keep some as a tip.

Well, there's no tipping in Taiwan.

So he gives me the $620 and I look at it, do the math in my head (it takes longer for us Westerners), and in my best Chinese say, "Huh?" Then I hold out the money for him to look at and he grunts and hands over the missing NT $100.

In Chicago you have to tell them to get off their cell phones so they won't miss a turn. You have to tell them to take certain streets because the one you eventually hope to get to is one way and you don't want to have to pay for an extra five minutes of circling blocks and driving up and down streets to try to get to that one way. And that crap they play on their radios. Don't even get me started.

I remember one time in Pittsburgh when I came back from a weekend excursion in Chicago (those little trips to Chicago to visit Wei were the best part of living in Pittsburgh) and had to take a taxi home. Anyone who's ever actually tried driving in Pittsburgh or even looked at a map of it knows that it is about as organized as a Jackson Pollock painting. I went up to a taxi driver, told him the neighborhood and address where I needed to go and he asked me how to get there. I gave him the neighborhood and address again and he shook his head and said, "I need an exact location and exact directions."

The taxi rides are a lot shorter in Taipei because these people know where they're going. Their parking skills need some improvement, however.

This wasn't very smart.

This actually doesn't bother me. I mean, if you're crippled and you need ramps to get everywhere, then why would you even leave home?

They also don't smell as bad. I don't know how many times in Chicago we had to pinch our noses because the driver didn't understand the benefits of showering.

Also, the taxi drivers in Taipei speak better English than the taxi drivers in Chicago. Much better.

Jason

I before E except af-- DAMMIT, WHO DEALT IT?!

Some kid farted in the middle of my English lesson today. I was trying really hard not to laugh at him. It was a lethal one, too. I had to walk to the other side of the room in order to breathe. Then I had to think of dead puppies so I wouldn't laugh.

I kept looking back because everyone at ground zero was unsuccessfully trying to stifle a laugh. I eventually figured out who did it because no matter what color your skin is originally, embarrassment always turns it red.

It's no secret that I'm not too crazy about this teaching thing. But until my Chinese gets better, there isn't much else I can do. I tried looking for proofreading gigs, but you have to know Chinese in order to proofread English (and next thing you know, you're translating and proofreading but only getting paid for the proofreading).

Now, I've always said that if I got a nickel for every English mistake I caught and corrected on signs, ads, menus, or government brochures in this country, I would be a billionaire. But no. They only want people who are absolutely fluent in Chinese, which means the only ones getting these jobs are native Chinese speakers who learned English in a cram school from someone like me and never appreciated the value of a comma. That's how you end up with this on the can of some mold and mildew stain remover spray:



Who'd've thunk it? Mildew eliminates odors. Mildew good, odor bad. Me confyoosed.

Jason

Episode IV: A New Beginning

On July 7, 2007, we boarded the aircraft and said "See you later!" to America.

You'd think 7-7-7 would be my lucky day.

Everything about the flight was fine, except for these punks from Teen Missions International (Oops, silly me. It appears I've conveniently provided you with a link to their website. It would be a shame if you sent them an angry letter.) Apparently someone told these apostles-in-training that it's okay to kick my seat every ten minutes, stick their butts in my face so they can gab with one of their kin, or sit that same butt down in my seat every time I got up to go to the restroom.

Once we land in Taiwan, one of them asks, "So are we in China?"

. . . . .

Wait. . . It gets better.

"Yeah," the only Asian member answers. "Taiwan's technically a part of China, but they think they're not."
She's right, you know. Taiwan doesn't think it's a part of China. I guess that's why they hold democratic elections for their leaders.

Again, that's Teen Missions International.

Only two days later I found a teaching job that started on July 20. Some might come to Taiwan and think that finding an English teaching job that quickly means that they're really good.

Here are the requirements for English teachers:
1. English must be your native language.
2. You must be able to breathe.

So far I've taught them what as rich as a Jew means and how to spell diarrhea.

Jason